


kaito doesn't know sex ed

by bromota



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dirty Jokes, Gay Male Character, Gay Momota Kaito, Jokes, M/M, Momota Kaito Being Dumb, Sexual Jokes, kaito is uneducated on sex, kaito was homeschooled it's not his fault, there's no smut it's just shuichi teaching kaito sex ed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26579050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bromota/pseuds/bromota
Summary: "Hey, you big dummy!" Kokichi drawled out, "Stupid jokes are only funny if they get a good reaction!" He whined.Kaito quirked an eyebrow at the other two, then awkwardly looked back at Shuichi. He looked down and rubbed at the back of his head with an uncomfortable chuckle. Did he not like sexual topics?"Uh, I don't get it."
Relationships: Iruma Miu & Oma Kokichi, Momota Kaito & Saihara Shuichi, Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	kaito doesn't know sex ed

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a little crack fic based on one of my headcanons for kaito. decided to make something a little more light-hearted after my last fic! hope you enjoy

"Hey, Poo-ichi!"   
Miu most likely hadn't intended for her tone to be so loud, but, she was Miu, so it was. It was especially a disturbance to Shuichi, who was desperately trying to eat his meal without being interrupted by the vulgar girl. 

Shuichi massaged at his temples with a quiet groan, and glanced a pleading look at Kaito, who, at his side, was snickering into his hand. "Sorry, bro, but you're on your own." Shuichi huffed out a breath, and Kaito snickered again.

"Poo-ichi~! Stop ignorin' meee! I gotta tell ya something!" Miu raised her voice more than before. Guess pretending he didn't hear her wouldn't help at that point, because she leaned back off her chair, and nearly falling, scuffed Shuichi's hair. He silently wished for his hat as he turned to meet her mischievous blue eyes.

"Miu, please lower your voice. What do you want?" His voice was always fairly quiet, but in comparison to the obnoxious woman before him, his voice was even smaller.

"Keh! So, Sherlock Homo, I was just thinkin' with this beautiful big brain of mine, and I thought of something so fuckin' good!" Miu seemed to get louder every time she spoke, and Shuichi would be surprised if there was someone in the cafeteria who didn't hear her. More snickers from Kaito.

"Please, just say it..." Shuichi sighed. All he had wanted was a regular lunch period...

"I was just thinking: You wanna know how good ol' Kaito over there is like a mouse?!" Her enthusiastic tone insinuated no ulterior motives. Miu was probably just gonna make another stupid dirty joke. Shuichi sighed again. "How..?" Shuichi cautiously responded, aware that Kaito was listening.

"Cause they both hate pussies!" Miu's words were followed by her endless laughter, and she high-fived Kokichi across the table. Shuichi facepalmed. 

"Miu..." He pinches at the bridge of his nose and turns to Kaito, who Shuichi had expected to look angry. But he didn't. Kaito looked... Confused?

"Kaito?" Shuichi blinked at him. "Did that bother you?" Miu was suddenly aware of the two again and turned back to look at them, this time with Kokichi leaning over the table. 

"Hey, you big dummy!" Kokichi drawled out, "Stupid jokes are only funny if they get a good reaction!" He whined. 

Kaito quirked an eyebrow at the other two, then awkwardly looked back at Shuichi. He looked down and rubbed at the back of his head with an uncomfortable chuckle. Did he not like sexual topics?

"Uh, I don't get it."

A small moment of silence formed between the four of them. Shuichi stared at Kaito, baffled. Kaito's mouth had spewed just about as many cusses as Miu's, yet he didn't understand this? It also appeared that the calm before the storm had ended, judging by the roaring laughs of the two jokesters. 

Kaito blinked stupidly. "Am I supposed to laugh? I really don't get it!" He blurted out defensively. "Just tell me what that means!" His attempts on talking to Miu and Kokichi about what it meant were futile, so he turned to Shuichi, whose face admittedly flushed a bit due to the embarrassing topic.

"Shuichi?" Kaito looked at him with an unintentionally pleading face, which just made Shuichi cover the bottom half of his face. Of course, the one time he actually has to talk about this topic is when it's with Kaito, of all people. Being truly honest, Shuichi would rather have taught it to Gonta than Kaito. He would rather have taught it to Himiko, even. 

Kaito kept staring at him with that confused face. "Um..." Shuichi wasn't sure how to say it. "Basically, Miu was calling you gay, b-because... uh..." Shuichi stammered out, utterly embarrassed about the topic. 

"Y'know, because... Homosexual men don't typically have sex with women..?" Shuichi's voice lowered instinctively, and he hoped Kaito had heard him. He... really didn't want to repeat that. Kaito blinked at him with that confused look again.

"Huh? I still don't understand." Then it was Shuichi's turn to be confused. This sort of stuff was basic knowledge to anyone who had taken the mandatory Sexual Education classes. Unless... Kaito didn't?

"Kaito..." Shuichi's embarrassment now replaced by curiosity, he allowed himself to ask the question. "Have you ever taken Sex Ed?" He looked up, and his eyes were met with a stupefied face.

"S-Sex Ed? No way! Isn't that inappropriate?!" Kaito's face was red, and he put his hands out in an awkward motion. "Why would I have taken that?!" 

Shuichi quirked an eyebrow. "Kaito, they're mandatory. How did you not take one?" Kaito's dumbfounded face melted into a mix of embarrassment and shame. "Well... I, was homeschooled by my grandparents, so..." He scratched at his head again, averting his eyes.

"Oh, my god." Shuichi put a hand over his mouth, not sure how to react. The joke told wasn't really funny to him at all, but the situation it had put them into was admittedly hilarious to Shuichi. "Kaito..."

"H-Hey! You still didn't explain the joke, man! Don't leave me hangin'.." He pouted at Shuichi. "Um... Maybe in a little while. Let's finish our food first." Shuichi patted Kaito's back. Kaito shrugged with a huff of his breath. "M'kay..." 

They both returned to their meals, Miu's laughs still echoing through the lunch room.


End file.
